An adulterous husband, cheating wife, or any kind of cheating how partner, is an unattractive prospect. And that feeling of being betrayed by someone we put all of our faith in more than anyone else is one of the worst. People who learn their partners have been unfaithful to them go through a hurricane of special emotions – rage, sadness, shame, depression, sometimes even relief. It’s a mournful process, not of a person that’s died, but of a relationship and level of trust that’s instantly been destroyed. In short, it sucks.
But before you can begin “mourn” that loss of belief, or simply toss caution to the wind and ditch your partner for good, you need to make completely sure your reaction will be 100% warranted.
You need to know without doubt whether your lover has, in fact, cheated on you by looking for, finding, and partaking in, an affair. The only definite way of knowing this, aside from finding damning physical proof or seeing the affair with your own eyes (both pretty rare), is by hearing a confession straight from the horse’s mouth, by communicating your doubts with your partner and listening to what they have to say – however heartbreaking or relieving their response might be.
But before you take that big step, there are a few simpler and minor steps you can take to make the whole process, the whole “investigation” and confrontation of your partner, easier and more factually correct.The primary thing you should do is look for some of the most ordinary signs/groups of signs people create when they cheat.
I’ve listed 3 of them below. Read over and think about each and carefully think if they apply to you, your partner and your relationship.
1. Changes in sex drive and sexual behavior.
Sex is almost always an essential part of a happy and healthy relationship between two people. So when one of the two, despite if it’s the guy or the girl, begins to cheat, it doesn’t come as any shocker that changes in the way they feel about having sex with their partner can be brought about. There are two main ways these changes can manifest themselves. When the cheater originally begins their affair, they may – out of remorse and in an effort to avoid the newly formed affair being rumbled – actually increase the amount of attention they pay their real partners in bed.
Conversely, and typically a little while after the affair has begun, the cheater may appear to have a loss of sex drive. They, for some reason, seem to not want to be close with you as much as they used to. Once again, this can be credited to guilt, but more often it’s to do with a fear they’ll reveal their infidelity through the way they behave before, during and after having sex with you.
2. Strange changes in habits & schedule.
When people cheat, they always change their behavior and/or habits in some way, small or large. The reason they cannot steer clear of these alterations is because, no matter how rarely or secretly they see the person they’re having an affair with, they MUST – at some point or another – go out of their way to do so (and so break or change habits and behavior). So, look for fresh and pronounced modifications in the times they come home/leave the house (and whether the changed times ‘repeat’ weekly), more usage of the phone or computer for no obvious/innocent reason, and other differences in the way your partner acts and behaves. You know your partner’s old habits and ways of living better than anyone, so draw from that information to evaluate how they might have changed them and to decide if the changes are to be taken as possible indications of unfaithfulness.
3. Miscellaneous indicators of cheating.
Lastly, there’s the group of cheating indicators that don’t fit in any other box or under any other title.
They’re the things you become aware of, question and cannot simply explain away. They’re the things you spot but almost choose to forget because you’re so unsure of what they may or may not mean and whether, in the end, they are true signs that your partner is cheating on you with someone else. Here are just a couple of miscellaneous indications of cheating:
A. Your partner no longer seems to get annoyed with you when in the past they always seemed to be picking a fight or getting worked up over any tiny issue.
Cheaters often ‘let their partners off’ because they want as little argument (which could lead to an unearthing on your part) as possible.
B. She or he regularly shifts the focus onto you.
Cheaters often asks their lovers more questions about how their day went, how they’re feeling, etc, again, to swing the attention away from them and their guilt.
Keep in mind, when you think your partner may be cheating, always take the smaller steps – by looking for the kinds of slight signs listed above – before taking the biggest step of all: confronting them. Doing so will give you the very best chance of a joyful, or at least a more manageable, final outcome.